Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
