If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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