I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
