i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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