her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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