he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
