Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
