WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
