She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
