Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
