the condom got lost in my hair
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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