i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
