he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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