i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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