I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the condom got lost in my hair
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
