I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
