Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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