i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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