3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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