At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
