I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
