Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
