I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
