she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
