You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
