If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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