I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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