we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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