I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
