I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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