he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize