He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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