the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize