i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
