hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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