Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize