glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
