Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
