you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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