He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
