remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
