Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
