Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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