dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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