Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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