More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
