I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
