just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
