I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
