I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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