I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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