I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
