I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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