I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's never too late to be topless.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
