John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
