Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
MIDGETS
????
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
