i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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