Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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