***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
