i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
