I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
