So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm both gender and math confused
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
