i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
