are you still at the devil's house?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
