return my video game
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize