oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
