He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
