Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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