I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
