Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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