how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
