He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
